Jacob, Pt. 5: "Bygones are Bygones" (Gen 32)

BYGONES ARE BYGONES (GENESIS 32:1-15, 32:22-33:12)
One of my favorite comedies is “Groundhog Day,” a make-believe story about Phil Conners (actor Bill Murray), a weather man with a bad attitude, an obnoxious personality and a razor tongue. For the fourth straight year, he was assigned on Groundhog Day, Feb. 2, to cover a small town’s festivities. Conners cared little about the fuss the folks were paying to a groundhog but was smitten by the new and attractive producer (actress Andie MacDowell) who was reporting the news with him.

After the shoot, the news team could not get out of town because of the bad weather and heavy snow. To his horror, when he woke up the next day, Conners discovered that new day was the old day he had lived a day before. He met the same people, did the same things and said the same things. Every day after was the same.

Of course, Conners took advantage of what he knew every previous day, and over and over he started the day on a promising note but ruined it with a terrible mistake and wrong motivations. His attempt to woo the producer, who was smitten with him because he knew more about her likes and dislikes over the course of time, usually ended on a wrong note. She slapped him hard over many days when she realized that he was just a hypocrite mouthing words to win her, until he gave up trying to win her affections and to be who he was not. Since he had lots of time and was not going anywhere fast, he decided to learn new things for a change, such as playing the piano, helping defenseless people and simply enjoying the town, the people and even the weather that stranded him there. When that happened, the producer fell in love with the new and improved Conners, the weather cleared up and they were free to leave.

For 20 years Jacob did not have to deal with his brother, who had wanted to kill him (Gen 27:41). Jacob had made a fool out of Esau, made a mockery of brotherhood and made a sham of the family. He had avoided and escaped the problems of his childhood but presently was headed on a collision course twenty years later. Jacob’s rehabilitation, transformation and story climaxed with a humbling prayer, a wrestling match and a touching reconciliation.

Why is reliance on God the best way to reconcile with the past? What are the signs of true reconciliation? How are repentance and transformation related to reconciliation?

Experience God in Your Weakness
6 When the messengers returned to Jacob, they said, "We went to your brother Esau, and now he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him." 7 In great fear and distress Jacob divided the people who were with him into two groups, and the flocks and herds and camels as well. 8 He thought, "If Esau comes and attacks one group, the group that is left may escape." 9 Then Jacob prayed, "O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, 'Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,' 10 I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups. 11 Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. 12 But you have said, 'I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.'" (Gen 32:6-12)

The lion was proud of his mastery of the animal kingdom. One day he decided to make sure all the other animals knew that he was the king of the jungle. He bypassed the smaller animals and went straight to the bear. “Who is the king of the jungle?” the lion asked. The bear replied, “Why, you are, of course.”

Next, he asked the tiger, “Who is the king of the jungle?” The tiger quickly responded, “Everybody knows that you are, O mighty lion.”

Unfortunately, the elephant did not respond the same way to the question. The elephant immediately grabbed the lion with his trunk, whirled him around in the air five or six times and slammed him into a tree. Then he pounded him onto the ground several times, dunked him under the water in a nearby lake and finally threw him up on the shore.

The lion - beaten, bruised and battered - struggled to his feet. He looked at the elephant through sad and bloody eyes and said, “Look, just because you don't know the answer is no reason for you to get mean about it.”

Jacob was older, wiser and richer after two decades in Haran, but his real maturity, proven wisdom and true riches were the realization that he was a nobody if not for God’s help. Without God, he could be rich, successful and intelligent, but empty, miserable and pitiful. Jacob’s life, held together admirably for many years, was spiraling out of control, his mind was running out of ideas and his world was coming to a crash.

The only thing Jacob could do was to flee to God in prayer. In his prayer, Jacob recognized how undeserving he was of God’s goodwill and the generous gifts of goods and family (v 10). Surprisingly, Jacob was the first and only Old Testament character that confessed his unworthiness, or the Hebrew word for “smallness.” In the previous “vow” he made at Bethel twenty years ago (Gen 18:20) – the first such word in the Bible, he asked for a safe journey, food to eat, clothes to wear and eventual return to his father’s land. Though he had asked for God’s presence, protection and provision previously (Gen 28:20-22), he prayed again for a different reason this time.

Jacob’s previous vow was made to serve himself, others not included. Now he had wives, children and servants whose very lives and livelihood depended on him. No more than two of his children were teenagers. Jacob rightly feared Esau and his 400 armed men more than Laban, who would at least spare his own daughters and grandchildren. Before, he had only his own neck to save; now he had mouths to feed, kids to raise and lives to protect.

Ironically, God’s strength was perfected in Jacob’s fear, flashbacks and fixation. He was never closer to God than when he paused, pondered and prayed, or when he shivered, sweated and suffered.

We cannot scuttle the past, escape yesterday or ignore history; neither should we revisit, repeat or relive it. Agathon, a 5th Century poet, said, “The only thing is denied even to God: the power to undo the past.” The wise thing to do is to invite God to reconcile us with the past – to make sense of the past, make peace with the past and make up for the past.

Empty Yourself of Your Willfulness
24 Then God came to Laban the Aramean in a dream at night and said to him, "Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad."
25 Jacob had pitched his tent in the hill country of Gilead when Laban overtook him, and Laban and his relatives camped there too. 26 Then Laban said to Jacob, "What have you done? You've deceived me, and you've carried off my daughters like captives in war. 27 Why did you run off secretly and deceive me? Why didn't you tell me, so I could send you away with joy and singing to the music of tambourines and harps? 28 You didn't even let me kiss my grandchildren and my daughters good-by. You have done a foolish thing. 29 I have the power to harm you; but last night the God of your father said to me, 'Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.' 30 Now you have gone off because you longed to return to your father's house. But why did you steal my gods?" 31 Jacob answered Laban, "I was afraid, because I thought you would take your daughters away from me by force. (Gen 32:24-31)

During the American Civil War fought between the years 1861–1865, over 600,000 soldiers from the South perished, but a beautiful and heartfelt prayer that survived was the Prayer of the Unknown Confederate Soldier, a soldier’s unrequited but unsurpassed prayer:

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey...

I asked for health, that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmity that I might do better things...

I asked for riches, that I might be happy,
I was given poverty that I might be wise...

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God...

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things...

I got nothing that I asked for- but everything I hoped for,
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.

I am among all men, most richly blessed.

Jacob’s real problem was his willfulness, which was reckless, extreme and destructive. He had an iron will, an indomitable spirit and a crass attitude. Playing God, hurting people and destroying lives did not bother or upset him the least.

God made his move to break Jacob’s stubborn will. After Jacob had sent his family over into Canaan, he met a man who wrestled him and prevented him from joining his family over the ford. Jacob had avoided his problems head-on all his life, running away successfully from Esau and Laban, but the Lord clamped down hard on him. A wrestling match is unlike a boxing match. A wrestler has no chance to spar; he could only scrap. Boxers can win at fist’s length, but wrestlers cannot win without body contact. Wrestlers have to clamp down on their opponents to win. Rearranging, relaxing or releasing one’s grip is not possible rest until one surrenders.

Jacob heard that he had prevailed (v 28), but he knew he did not have the advantage. The truth was that man was able to touch, immobilize and injure him at will (v 25). The man left in terrific shape, but Jacob left with a limp. The victory did not make sense to Jacob. His triumph was symbolical, short and surreal. He felt stiff, tired and numb.

Hosea 12:3-4 explains Jacob’s life in a nutshell: “In the womb he grasped his brother's heel; as a man he struggled with God. He struggled with the angel and overcame him; he wept and begged for his favor.”

God reminded Jacob that even though he had profited and prospered at the expense of others, the path to God’s blessing had to come from the Fount and Foundation - God Himself, the One from whom all blessings flow. After twenty shifting years, Jacob, who had suffered needless pain, finally asked the right person for the right thing in the right manner. God waited two decades for Jacob to obtain from Him, and not from his father or his brother, the blessing and inheritance God intended for him. In the end, Jacob earned it with his tears, on his knees and in his brokenness.

End Enmity with Others Willingly
33:1 Jacob looked up and there was Esau, coming with his four hundred men; so he divided the children among Leah, Rachel and the two maidservants. 2 He put the maidservants and their children in front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph in the rear. 3 He himself went on ahead and bowed down to the ground seven times as he approached his brother. 4 But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept. 5 Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. "Who are these with you?" he asked. Jacob answered, "They are the children God has graciously given your servant." 6 Then the maidservants and their children approached and bowed down. 7 Next, Leah and her children came and bowed down. Last of all came Joseph and Rachel, and they too bowed down. 8 Esau asked, "What do you mean by all these droves I met?" "To find favor in your eyes, my lord," he said. 9 But Esau said, "I already have plenty, my brother. Keep what you have for yourself." (Gen 33:1-9)

In 1994, Alvin Straight, a 75-year old man who required the use of a cane after falling for the third time, sensed that time was running out for him. So he drove a lawn mover 280 miles to see his estranged brother who had suffered a stroke. His story was captured in the heartwarming movie “The Straight Story.”

Straight was determined to see his ailing brother but the DMV had invalidated his driver’s license years ago for poor eyesight. The determined man bought a $300 lawnmower and drove across state boundary from Iowa to Wisconsin, to the concern of her daughter and the disbelief of town folks and passing motorists.

When his lawnmower broke down 60 miles before reaching his destination, a pair of bickering twin brothers serviced his lawnmower, but at the same time they argued constantly, stood in the way of one another and often stared angrily at each other.

Before he boarded his lawnmower and continued the trip, Straight revealed for the first time to the fighting twins why he wanted so much to see his brother: “My brother lives there and I haven’t seen him in 10 years. There’s no one who knows your life better than a brother that’s near your age. He knows who you are and what you are better than anyone one on earth. A brother’s a brother. My brother and I said some unforgivable things and the last time we left and I’m trying to put it behind me.”

The humbled Jacob had come around to his senses. No action or apology was too difficult, too costly or too extreme to offer to get on his brother’s better side, to save his family and return to his father’s land. He who had the upper hand and perfected the one up game walked ahead and offered himself as the first casualty, stooping and bowing seven times toward Esau (v 7), meekly and freely giving away at least 550 animals (Gen 32:14), a big part of what he had worked so hard for the last twenty years. Not only did he not claim, demand or inherit the family fortune, he added to Esau’s fortune.

Jacob specified himself four times as Esau’s servant (Gen 32:4, 18, 20, 33:5), and eight times he consistently referred to Esau as “my lord.” (Gen 32:4, 5, 18, 33: 8, 13, 14, 14, 15). Jacob knew he had no business, justification or face to call himself or Esau “brother.” The humbled Jacob gave lavishly to Esau, gave praise to God and gave witness of his adequacy, with no intention, design or expectation of getting anything back from his older brother (v 11).

By God’s grace, twenty years of betrayal, resentment and fear was resolved face to face in one reunion, in one instance, in one day. Esau ran to Jacob, kissed him and called him “my brother.” (Gen 33:9). Esau was not the monster, avenger or killer in Jacob’s imagination. The older brother had experienced growth and changes, too. Before, Esau said to himself, “I will kill my brother Jacob” (Gen 27:41). The next and last time Esau used the word “brother,” he said to Jacob, “I already have plenty, my brother. Keep what you have for yourself.”

Life on one’s own is hard enough without enemies, rivals and opponents stabbing you from behind, breathing down your neck and getting into your mind. There would be less enmity in the world if people were willing to take the first step, go the second mile and say three words, “I am sorry.”

Conclusion: Have you experienced God’s unfailing love that surrounds those who trusts in him (Ps 32:10)? Are you still grappling and living with past mistakes, persisting fears or future despair? God’s path to restoration is clear. Have you confessed “I am unworthy” (Gen 32:10)? Told God, “I will not let You go” (Gen 32:26)? Testified to others, “God has been gracious to me and I have all I need” (Gen 33:11)? If so, you are really ready to move on, grow up, make, find and have peace with God, others and yourself. The powerful presence of God is always available to the weak: “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor 12:9-10).