Joseph, Pt. 4: "Forgiveness Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry"

FORGIVENESS MEANS HAVING TO SAY YOU’RE SORRY
(GENESIS 42:21-22, 44:33-45:8, 50:15-21)
The first time we experience clogging in our double-basin kitchen sink was a nightmare. The water would drain from the left basin and come up on the right basin. We tested the garbage disposal but it was working fine. Because our regular handyman was out of town, we waited until we could not stand the smell anymore. Then we called a friend and asked for the name and phone of his handyman.

When the husband and wife team arrived four days later, they first unscrewed the pipes and collected the leftover smelly water with a bowl into a plastic bag. Later they used a 40-feet snake to drain the clogged pipes. They said with satisfaction that the 40-foot snake was close to tunneling its way to the main street drain. I was impressed! After collecting and washing the snake, the husband turned on the tap water to test the drain. He collected a pool of water in the sink and then unplugged the strainer, expecting to see the water whirling down the drain.

Unfortunately, the water still rushed up the other basin. He then went to his van to get a 100-foot long snake to finish the job. The man showed us the oil solids that were clogging up our pipes and advised us to use hot water more to drain the pipes. We paid $50 for an hour of work, but the money was well spent on fresh air, a clean home and a peace of mind.

The unforgiving person has been compared to a cesspool of still, dirty and foul water. It's been said that forgiveness is a choice not to hold a sin against a person any longer. The longer you leave the blockage alone, the more resistant it gets. What is stuck, decomposed and coagulated in an unforgiving heart is an ugly sight. Every hard-earned dollar you spend on cleaning up, flushing out and washing down the accumulated garbage from unforgiving is worth its long-term investment.

Seven years after the good years had passed, Joseph's brother traveled down to Egypt for food. The famine had not only affected Egypt but also the surrounding regions. The brothers had forgotten about him, but Joseph did not forget what they did to him. However, he also remembered what God had done for him and recognized that the power of forgiveness was in his hands. The word “forgive” made its first Bible appearance in Genesis 50:17, a fitting end to the development of the book and a glorious start to the birth of the new nation.

What is the purpose of forgiveness? Why is forgiving better than avoidance, resentment or vengeance? How do we begin to forgive, how and when does it end?

Don’t Carry Baggage; Apply Bandages
21 They said to one another, “Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that's why this distress has come upon us.” 22 Reuben replied, “Didn't I tell you not to sin against the boy? But you wouldn't listen! Now we must give an accounting for his blood.” (Gen 42:21-22)

The Los Angeles Times (2/26/93) reported that a high school coach mistakenly listed only one of the Stucky twins, Jon and Jay Stucky, in the official scorebook to play a basketball game with a rival school.

In the course of the match, one of the twins was injured just before the first half ended. At halftime, the coach wanted to use the other twin to substitute for the injured brother, but that would result in a technical foul because his name was not previously submitted. So the coach instructed the substitute twin to use his injured brother's jersey and assumed his brother’s identity, thereby avoiding a technical foul for using an unlisted player.

The Stuckys looked so much alike that even the other team's coach and players were unaware of the switch. The substitute twin helped his team win a tight game, 68-65. After the game, the coach knew he had done wrong and his conscience bothered him. He talked to the principal of the school and voluntarily turned himself in to the state. The coach and the substitute twin gladly submitted themselves to the punishment handed to them and sat out the one-game suspension.

Joseph's brothers finally confessed to a family secret they had harbored for more than twenty years. They were perennial hostages to their hatred (Gen 37:4-5, 8), jealousy (Gen 37:11) and lie (Gen 37:11-12). Two decades after their senseless act of selling their brother, they used three verbs to confess and bury their previous nagging, mounting and indicting feelings. The brothers were haunted by their actions: “Surely we are ‘being punished’ because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that's why this distress has come upon us” (Gen 42:21).The first NIV verb in verse 21 “being punished” appears like an action imposed on them as offenders, but the Hebrew phrase “very guilty” movingly reflects the emotions lodged in their hearts and pointedly described what had been scaring, stifling, strangling them. The verb described the turmoil in their hearts, how ill at ease they were for the last twenty years.

Next, Joseph's brothers used the second verb “distress” twice in verse 21. They remembered the shock on Joseph's face, the physical pain, the emotional stress and mental anguish their brother suffered and his frantic, flapping but futile actions when they first stripped him of his robe, then threw him into a pit and finally sold him away to strangers.

Finally, the brothers moaned about how they “wouldn't listen” (v 21), seconded by Reuben who chided his brothers (v 22). The two decades of bondage to guilt was not only felt by Reuben (Gen 42:22), but by Judah, too (Gen 44:18). Reuben’s admission of “blood” in verse 22 is interesting. The brothers actually did not shed any blood. Reuben's strong words to his brothers prevented them from shedding any blood or laying their hand on Joseph (Gen 37:22). In fact, they did not even hit him, though they did eventually cast him into a pit. But whether the brothers touched Joseph or not, struck him or not, hurt him or not, Joseph's blood was still stamped on their hands, fresh in their minds and counted to their record.

Forgiveness brings healing. It sets someone free from the chains, burdens and years of bondage. Have you hated, despised and begrudged someone for weeks, months, and years? Set them free, find relief for yourself and make brothers of your enemies.

Don’t Exact Blood; Embrace Brotherhood
33 “Now then, please let your servant remain here as my lord's slave in place of the boy, and let the boy return with his brothers. 34 How can I go back to my father if the boy is not with me? No! Do not let me see the misery that would come upon my father.” 45:1 Then Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, “Have everyone leave my presence!” So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers. 2 And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh's household heard about it. 3 Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Is my father still living?” But his brothers were not able to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence. 4 Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! 5 And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. 6 For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. 7 But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. 8 “So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt (Gen 44:33-45:8)

Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms had a serious conflict. They had farmed side by side, shared machinery, and traded labor and goods without a hitch for 40 years. A small misunderstanding had widened into a major difference and exploded into an exchange of bitter words.

One morning a carpenter knocked on the older brother's door. “I'm looking for a few days of work,” he said. “Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there.” “Yes,” said the older brother. “Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, in fact, he's my brother. Last week my brother took his bulldozer to the river levee and created this creek between us from what was a meadow. So I want you to build an 8-foot fence so I won't need to see his place anymore.” The carpenter said, “I think I understand the situation.”

The older brother helped the carpenter get the materials ready before he disappeared. The carpenter worked hard all day measuring, sawing, nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, his eyes opened wide, his jaws dropped. A bridge -with handrails and all - stretched from one side of the creek to another. His younger brother was crossing the bridge, his hands outstretched, and said, “You are quite a brother to build this bridge after all I've said and done.” The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, met in the middle, took each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter leave. “No, wait, stay a few days. I've a lot of projects for you to do,” said the older bother. The carpenter replied, “I'd love to stay, but I have many bridges to build.” (Adapted)

Barbarians, cavemen and headhunters do not forgive. It takes a wise, kind and godly man to forgive. Joseph saw that his brothers really meant what they said. They tore their clothes (Gen 44:13) upon the realization of losing Benjamin - just like their father Jacob did when Joseph was supposedly dead. Judah (44:38), who proposed selling Joseph to slave-traders for profit (Gen 37:26) in a previous era, shared that they had seen how their father had suffered for many years (44:27-33) and offered himself as a slave to Joseph in place of Benjamin, as compensation for the way he had mistreated Joseph, Benjamin’s brother. Judah's willing sacrifice showed his heartfelt sincerity, radical transformation and true conversion. Joseph was touched by the heart-to-heart, eye-to-eye, word-to-word confrontation with his offenders.

Joseph not only forgave his brothers in words, he treated them kindly. He loved them, hugged them and kissed them. The brokenhearted brother explained to them, wept on them and conversed with them (Gen 45:15). He knew they were stricken in their hearts, scared out of their mind and shaking their heads in disbelief. The offended brother counseled them not to be distressed and angry with themselves (Gen 45:5), and not to blame, criticize, or fight one another (Gen 45:24). Joseph reiterated that God was at work to send him ahead to Egypt: (1) to preserve life on earth (Gen 45:5), (2) to save Israel from extinction (Gen 45:7) and (3) to advise Pharaoh in Egypt (Gen 45:8, 9).

Who could blame Joseph if he had reacted negatively, answered rudely and behaved cruelly? If physical, emotional and mental abuse were not options, he could at least have scolded, criticized or warned them to shape up or ship out and not to count their chickens or blessings so fast. Most of us might cry for the wayward brothers, but not with them; speak to them, not with them; shake hands, but not embrace them. Most of us would at least make them write lines, do community service or take hatred, jealousy and lying management classes! However, a forgiving person offers a bandage to people in bondage - the kind of bandage that heals wounds, scabs and incisions.

Are you still throwing eggs, bricks or daggers at others? Have you applied bandages on yourself or on those who hurt you? Have the suffering and salvation of Jesus affected your relationship with the unloving, the unkind and the ungracious?

Don’t Keep Blacklists; Close Books
15 When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” 16 So they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died: 17'This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.' Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept. 18 His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said. 19 But Joseph said to them, “Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 21 So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. (Gen 50:15-21)

A long time ago, a newly married girl named Li-li couldn't get along with her mother-in-law who lived with the newly weds. Their personalities and habits clashed. They never stopped arguing and fighting. And traditionally, Li-li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. Finally, Li-li could not stand her mother-in-law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer.

Li-li went to see a family friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs, told him the situation and asked for some poison to slip into her mother-in-law's meals. She even agreed to do whatever Mr. Huang told her. Mr. Huang then gave her a package of herbs and told Li-li, “To eliminate suspicion, I have given you a number of herbs to slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some pork or chicken and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Also, act very friendly towards her so that nobody suspects you when she dies. Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.”

Li-li began serving the specially prepared food to her mother-in-law. She controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. For the next six months, Li-li was almost never upset or had an argument with her kindler and friendlier mother-in-law. They were like mother and daughter.

In horror, Li-li came to Mr. Huang and pleaded tearfully, “Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my own mother-in-law! She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die.” Mr. Huang comforted her, “Li-li, I never gave you any poison. I gave you vitamins to improve her health. The only poison you had was in your mind and your attitude.” (Adapted)

Forgiveness is not cheap grace, empty talk or trouble-free. Many years had passed since the brothers arrived in Egypt. Their father Jacob passed away in Egypt after seventeen years in the new country (Gen 47:28). After the funeral, the brothers again begged for Joseph's forgiveness. They were afraid that reality, regret and repercussions might set in, and Joseph would show resentment, demand reparation and pursue revenge. The brothers did not understand that the path to forgiveness was completed seventeen years ago (Gen 41:46, 53) when they returned with Benjamin. The death of their father did nothing to cancel or annul Joseph’s forgiveness.

The gracious Joseph never regretted forgiving his brothers. When Joseph forgave his brothers seventeen years ago, he forgave them consciously, compassionately and continuously. No one in the Bible wept as often as Joseph (Gen 42:24, 43:30, 30, 45:14, 14, 15, 46:29, 50:1, 3). He meant his word, decision and stance - not for his father's sake, but for their sake, and not out of his sympathy for them, but out God's kindness to him.

Joseph made a decision to commute his brother’s sentence, shorten their sorrow, and expunge their record there and then. Amazingly, Joseph never mentioned to Jacob his betrayal, slavery or imprisonment. His message to his brothers for their father was terse: “Tell my father about all the honor accorded me in Egypt and about everything you have seen” (Gen 45:13). The past that haunted the brothers for the twenty two years of Joseph’s disappearance was more than adequate punishment by itself. Joseph did not know that they were still carrying the guilt with them for the seventeen years their father was in Egypt, and he again released them from carrying their guilt to their deathbed. Altogether, they had carried the burden for thirty-nine years – twenty-two years before meeting Benjamin (Gen 37:2, 41:46, 45:6) and seventeen years of Jacob’s sojourn in Egypt (Gen 47:28).

Forgiveness is not based on merit, but out of grace and love. The barriers were removed and the bridge was built seventeen years ago when Joseph reunited with his brothers. There was no reason to rehash, revisit or reverse the past anymore.

Conclusion: Lucy explained to his manager Charlie Brown at the end of a game why she lost sight of the baseball: “Sorry I missed that easy fly ball, manager. I thought I had it, but suddenly I remembered all the others I've missed, and the past got in my eyes.” Is the sight, talk and recollection of a time, a person or an accident in the past stuck in your eyes? Has it stirred up anger, pain or resentment? Have you become cynical, calculative or cold in your heart? Have you asked the Lord to help you to forgive the past, to dwell on the present and to pray for a new day?