David, Pt. 6: "How Rude" (1 Sam 25)

HOW RUDE (1 SAMUEL 25)
Public Agenda, a non-profit group, interviewed more than 2,000 people in its study on civility and manners called “Aggravating Circumstances: A Status Report on Rudeness in America.” The group revealed that eight in 10 Americans said a lack of respect and courtesy is a serious problem and six in 10 reported that things have become worse in recent years. More than a third (35 percent) admitted to being aggressive drivers.

Three-quarters of those surveyed said they’ve often seen customers treat sales staff rudely and 46 percent also claimed they’ve walked out of a store because of the way the staff treated them. 77 percent held that telemarketing is “rude and pushy,” but nearly everyone surveyed (94 percent) agreed that the biggest complain is to “call a company and get a recording instead of a human being.”

While three-quarters believed that people have become more caring and thoughtful to others after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, only 34 percent said the feeling would last a long time; 46 percent thought it would only last a few months and 18 percent believed it was already over.
http://www.publicagenda.org/specials/civility/civility.htm

More than two-thirds (71%) say they’ve witnessed parents shouting at coaches, referees or players. (USA Today 4/2/04 “How rude, and aggravating”).

The Chinese say “Everyone hits a rat that crosses the street過街老鼠，人人打” and “Dogs bully the tiger that descends to the plains虎落平原，被犬欺.”

David was the great Jewish hope to the throne, the next in line to succeed Saul and a Zorro or Robin Hood figure to the masses. People should thank him for his victories over Goliath and the Philistines, but they heard reports that he was Saul’s enemy, he had no army and he had befriended Moab (1 Sam 22:4). All of a sudden, David was out-of-luck, out-of-favor and out-on-his-own. The former hero would soon be the ex-son-in-law of Saul (1 Sam 25:44).

How do you respond when you are treated like dirt or scum? What could you do if you are pushed out, pushed too far and pushed to the edge?

Think it Through Over Again – Don’t Excite Your Heart or Decide When You’re Angry
2 A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel. 3 His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband, a Calebite, was surly and mean in his dealings. 4 While David was in the desert, he heard that Nabal was shearing sheep. 5 So he sent ten young men and said to them, “Go up to Nabal at Carmel and greet him in my name. 6 Say to him: ‘Long life to you! Good health to you and your household! And good health to all that is yours! 7 “‘Now I hear that it is sheep-shearing time. When your shepherds were with us, we did not mistreat them, and the whole time they were at Carmel nothing of theirs was missing. 8 Ask your own servants and they will tell you. Therefore be favorable toward my young men, since we come at a festive time. Please give your servants and your son David whatever you can find for them.’” 9 When David’s men arrived, they gave Nabal this message in David’s name. Then they waited. 10 Nabal answered David’s servants, “Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. 11 Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?” 12 David’s men turned around and went back. When they arrived, they reported every word. (1 Sam 25:2-12)

A mournful-looking guy walked into a bar and asked for a shot of whiskey — straight. He gulped it down, then pounded on the bar for two more. The bartender looked at him quizzically and said, “Buddy, you’ll be in a mess of trouble if you down a couple more of those. Slow down a bit.” The unhappy boozer replied, “Hey, living dangerously is in my blood. Twenty years ago my dad was the first guy to ever jump from a plane two thousand feet up without a parachute. Ten years later my brother was the second man to ever do it. A couple of years ago my mother was the first woman to jump out of a plane at three thousand feet without a parachute, and tomorrow I’ll be the first to jump out of a jumbo jet without a parachute.”

The incredulous bartender said, “That’s crazy! Don’t you know that you could be killed?” “Of course,” the customer replied, “but what have I got to live for? I’ve got no father, no mother, no brother ....”

It’s been said, “Temperamental is 95% temper and 5% mental.”

Thomas Kempis, the author of “The Imitation of Christ,” said, “Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”

David once almost lost his head when he was insulted. He tried hard to be good, to be a nice guy, to do the right thing, but he had it with tycoons like Nabal, up to the neck and sick and tired of people like him. David and his men had done much for Nabal. They were no free-loaders, extortionists or beggars. According to Nabal’s servant (v 15), David and his men had volunteered to guard Nabal’s flocks from bandits, thieves and wild animals for an extended period of time without pay or complain, but they were looked down, laughed at and taken for granted.

Nabal had the means and the grounds to offer a token gift to David and his men. He was not just wealthy, but very wealthy or very great (v 2). Three thousand sheep was a large figure. The only biblical figure described in Hebrew as “very great” and with comparable numbers was Job. Job, the greatest man among all the people in the East in his time, owned seven thousand sheep (Job 1:3). Nabal had about half the wealth of Job and feasted like a king (v 36). What he wasted on one meal was enough for David and his men.

David approached Nabal like a gentleman. He made sure his intentions were not misunderstood. The word “peace” occurs four times in verses 5-6. The Hebrew text says, “Shalom him in my name…Shalom to you! Shalom to your house! And Shalom to all that you have.’” David did not specify sheep, goat or crop and how much he needed. He left it to Nabal’s generosity and wisdom. Whatever he could find (v 8) or was on hand was good enough. It needed not cost Nabal an arm or a leg, just what he could afford to give. David’s men were courteous and humble and said “Please” (v 8) or in Hebrew, “I pray,” but Nabal did not even check with his servants, as David had pleaded him to (v 8), and sent them away with nothing but insults.

Nabal’s insult was too much for David to stomach or swallow. Not only did Nabal fail to offer meat, he did not provide water that was free and bread that cost little. He used the personal pronoun “my” four times to humiliate David (v 11). The Hebrew text is “Shall I take MY bread and MY water, and MY meat that I have slaughtered for MY shearers, and give it to men whom I do not know they are from?” To add insult to futility, he called David a runaway servant (v 10) even though David politely referred to Nabal as a father figure (v 8 “your son”). The messengers were not spared the abuse when Nabal questioned who they were, where they were from and what they had done.

Talk it Out With Others – Don’t Lose Your Head or Jump to Conclusions
13 David said to his men, “Put on your swords!” So they put on their swords, and David put on his. About four hundred men went up with David, while two hundred stayed with the supplies. 14 One of the servants told Nabal’s wife Abigail: “David sent messengers from the desert to give our master his greetings, but he hurled insults at them. 15 Yet these men were very good to us. They did not mistreat us, and the whole time we were out in the fields near them nothing was missing. 16 Night and day they were a wall around us all the time we were herding our sheep near them. 17 Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no one can talk to him.” 18 Abigail lost no time. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. 19 Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal. 20 As she came riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, there were David and his men descending toward her, and she met them. 21 David had just said, “It’s been useless-all my watching over this fellow’s property in the desert so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good. 22 May God deal with David, be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!” (1 Sam 25:13-22)

Statesman and Nobel Peace Prize winner General George C. Marshall (1880-1959) has a three-step formula that is simple to remember and effective in use on handling people:
1. Listen to the other person’s story.
2. Listen to the other person’s full story.
3. Listen to the other person’s full story first.

Vern McLellan said, “Consider the hammer: It keeps its head. It doesn’t fly off the handle. It keeps pounding away. It finds the point, then drives it home. It looks at the other side, too, and thus clinches the matter. It makes mistakes, but when it does, it starts all over.”

David had not seen such an ill-natured, ill-mannered and ill-speaking man before. He thought that there was nothing good about Nabal, but there was. The people surrounded him, such as his servants and his wife, were moral, kind, classy people. They were not miserly, mean and macho like Nabal. One of the servants (v 14) put in a good word for David and his men before the mistress of the house.

Nabal’s wife, Abigail, was more outstanding than other biblical beauties. She was one of the ten Old Testament, along with Sarai (Gen 12:11), Rachel (Gen 29:17), two Tamars (2 Sam 13:1, 14:27), Abishag (1 Kings 1:3), Esther (Est 2:7) and Job’s three daughters (Job 42:15), who was described as beautiful in Hebrew – with one exception: Abigail was not just beauty, but beauty and brains. Abigail is the only beauty in the Bible praised for her “intelligence” and “beauty” in the same sentence or in one breath, noted for her intelligence first and beauty second. The Hebrew text extolled her for her “good understanding.” Not only was she the first person in the Bible noted for her “intelligence,” she was the only known individual with having “good understanding” in Hebrew (v 3), not just “understanding.” Abigail had something money cannot buy, makeup cannot provide and men cannot repress, something more powerful accompanying her than muscles, bodyguards, and weapons: brains. She was smart in the head, swift on her feet, and sharp with her words.

You might ask then, what was an intelligent woman like Abigail doing with a foolish man like Nabal? I can tell you that she made his money grow and kept him from more trouble. Further, the Bible never said Nabal was unfaithful, abusive or ugly.

Abigail was someone a husband, servant (v 14) or stranger could talk to. Nabal’s servants could interrupt her schedule, bring their problems and seek her counsel (v 14). They knew she would find a solution, make things right and break the deadlock. She understood the heart of her servants who called her husband a wicked man (v 17) and she even washed the feet of David’s men (v 41). Her intelligence was the ability to size things up, seize the moment and save the day. Abigail had to act, and quickly. She had no time or opportunity to persuade her drunken husband (v 36). This is the chapter with the most “made haste” references in Hebrew (“lost no time” in verse 18 or “quickly” in verses 23, 34, 42) in the Bible.

Abigail brought five out of 3,000 sheep to the men. Five of 3,000 sheep was nothing; wolves could have plundered more. She fell on her face, bowed to the ground (v 23), dropped at his feet (v 24) and said, in Hebrew, “Upon me, me, my lord, the sin.” With one act, she took her husband’s, and David’s, foolishness, selfishness and pettiness upon herself (v 24). She also called herself David’s servant using the lowly title “your servant” seven times - a record use of the phrase by a biblical character (vv. 24, 24, 25, 27, 28, 31, 41), overturning her husband’s insult of David as a runaway slave with her 14 times salutation of David as “My lord” (vv. 24, 25, 25, 26, 26, 27, 27, 28, 28 29, 30, 31, 31, 31). Whatever aches David suffered were healed by the balm and bandage of her words. Further, she interjected her speech with “Please” or “I pray” in verses 24, 28, and also 25, not recorded in the NIV.

Turn it Over to God – Don’t Soil Your Hands or Rush into Judgment
32 David said to Abigail, “Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. 33 May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. 34 Otherwise, as surely as the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak.” 35 Then David accepted from her hand what she had brought him and said, “Go home in peace. I have heard your words and granted your request.” (1 Sam 25:32-35)

It’s been said, “Good advice is hard to get,” “Good advice is worth a fortune,” and
“Good advice is rarer than rubies.” Four centuries ago, Francois de La Rochefoucauld said, “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”

Here are some quotes from quotelady.com on advice:
“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.” (Erica Jong)
“Giving advice is sometimes only showing our wisdom at the expense of others.” (Anthony Shaftesbury)
“He who can take advice is sometimes superior to him who can give it.” (Karl von Knebel)
“I sometimes give myself admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it.” (Mary Worley Montagu)
“If you can distinguish between good advice and bad advice, then you don’t need advice.” (Van Roy’s Second Law)
“People are always willing to follow advice when it accords with their own wishes.” (Lady Blessington)
“Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.” (Gordon R. Dickson) http://www.quotelady.com/subjects/advice.html

Dispensing good advice is an art; so is heeding good advice. Most people are wise after a mistake, a misunderstanding or a mishap, and seldom before.

David knew he was standing by, staring at and sitting on a gold mine of advice that was Abigail. She coaxed him into thinking theologically, morally and historically. The phrase “the Lord” was mentioned seven times in her impassioned speech to David (vv 26, 26, 28, 28, 29, 30, 31).

Morally, twice, she reiterated the weakness of giving into bloodshed and vengeance – after her introduction and at the conclusion (vv. 26, 31), beginning with “Let no wrongdoing be found in you as long as you live” (v 28), and culminating with “My master will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself” (v 31). She warned him that shedding innocent blood was crossing the point of no return.

Historically, she said words familiar to him, referring to the sling (v 29) David used to fight Goliath (1 Sam 17:40, 49, 50). After Nabal died, she had no reason to marry David. She was rich and he had nothing but hopes, but she believed in David, his roots, his redemption and his reign, and his deliverance, dreams and destiny. She used the word “captain” or “leader” (v 30) that was used of Saul up to this point (1 Sam 9:16, 10:1, 13:14).

David acknowledged that Abigail saved him from doing evil (v 39) from behaving and being like Saul, who wiped out a city and its inhabitants. The young David was a fugitive, but never a murderer, bandit, or a thug. He recognized God was at work, sending him a message through Abigail (v 32). David confessed he was not only on the way to doing wrong, but also committing evil (v 39) when he decided to take justice into his own hands (v 33).

Conclusion: Everyone has a bottom line, and a sore foot and a bad day, but two wrongs do not make a right. Are you weary in doing good? (Gal 6:9, 2 Thess 3:13) Do you seize the moment, not spare a second? Do you save the day, not spoil the day? Do you seek to forgive, heal, and bless others at all times, and not only in good times?